I wrote this some time ago as an introduction to a book that has not yet been fully birthed. I don’t know when it will be, but it is time to stop storing up the words the Lord has laid on my heart in the depths of a computer file.

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Many years ago I spent almost the entire summer seeped in the Word of God. It was the first time I had ever yearned for knowledge of God in such unquenchable amounts. I woke up in the morning, sat at the kitchen table with the sunlight pouring in over my books, and read the Bible. I started in Genesis and used the New International Version.

Prior to that summer, I had never read much beyond the creation and only parts of the new testament. But something happened while I finally sought to know the God who I had adamantly chosen to believe in and follow—I became genuinely interested in every word that dripped from His mouth (His Word, His Book). I had heard the Bible stories and read them in parts over the years, but I had never absorbed the narrative as a whole. I had never followed the lineage of Adam, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and the rest. I had a very cursory knowledge of His-story.

That summer, I ate up the text, falling more and more in love with the author of creation daily. I would sit there, many days, until sun set. I realized that this Book upon which I based my life was… get this… interesting! Raunchy! Raw! And dare I say… feminist literature like no other! (Please put aside all modern associations of the word “feminist” and think only of the word as I use it here in terms of equally valuing women and holding them in high esteem, not degrading them or calling them lesser than men.)

What I experienced that summer was deep, intense intimacy with The Lord. It was the first time I had such intimacy despite being a Christian for nearly the twenty years prior.

And it led to years of spiritual disappointment. Yes, I said disappointment. Over the next several months, I didn’t have the kind of time I’d had over the summer to spend time in the Bible and in prayer. I tried to spend time in the mornings and evenings with Him, but I was just so busy—being a high school English teacher—and I was tired. I was also busy with ministry and emotional recovery from various issues.

I remember my pastor telling me that the time I had in the Word that summer was a gift and that it couldn’t always be like that, but I was miserable without it. After so many years knowing that my relationship with God was not what it should be, I had finally captured it. I had experienced extended intimacy with the Lord, and I thought that it was supposed to be like that all the time. It should be like that all the time. Nothing less could satisfy my soul.

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Over the years, I began to understand that God gives us times of refreshment, times in deep waters to fill us and prepare us for drier times. He prepares us. The two years following that intense summer, and even the year prior to that summer, was filled with trials and attack on so many levels. In retrospect, I don’t know what I would have done without that time to let my roots run deep.

What I experienced was a glimpse of the Creator, an eclipse, a moment or rather, a series of moments of intense in depth eternity. I chased that experience for years until I realized that I could never actually recapture it. But what I discovered was that the more I paid attention, the more I could experience other glimpses and in fact if I could be seeped/soaking in His essence every moment, I wouldn’t miss it. I wouldn’t yearn for it, I wouldn’t groan for it.

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You see, the earth is broken. The garden of Eden was closed down… for now. While eternal intimacy with the Almighty is within reach for all those who believe in the Son, Jesus Christ, until we are in Heaven, we will never fully dwell in His presence. That is the ultimate brokenness in which we live. Darkness, sin, disease, despair, isolation, loneliness—all of these are temporary gaps in which we temporarily dwell, and in which we develop a hunger and thirst for eternity. Through the pits, we glimpse the glory and goodness. And if we are careful, if we watch closely, if we pay attention, we will see glimpses of His presence all around of us. The rocks will cry out. The earth is filled with his glory.

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Please share your thoughts with me on this topic or similar experiences you have had!

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